A Few Steps Behind

I'm behind. Way behind on blogging. It seems like there is not enough time in the day to accomplish all I want to do. My sister recently said to me, "Don't you just sit down and relax?". I do. Sometimes. Mostly at night when I try to catch up on all my shows on the DVR. There are so many draft posts I have dating back to September which I just can't seem to get to. People used to say to me, "Where do you find the time?" Well, apparently I have lost it. I work full time. Each evening I come home to cleaning, making dinner, laundry and tending to the needs of my children. I always have a personal "to-do" list of little tasks I'd like to accomplish. Sometimes it's a simple thing like putting photos in an album or a more time consuming task like re-organizing the garage. (I know, who organizes the garage?) I work best at night. For instance, right now it's 11:30 in the morning and the twins and I are still in our PJ's and here I am trying to play catch up.  Sometimes I am  jealous envious of Matt when he has a day home alone.  There are times when his schedule falls out on when the twins go to daycare. They attend two days a week and it varies each week. It just so happens, sometimes these fall on days Matt is off.  Aside from the obvious fact that it is beneficial for them to go, we are paying for it  and keeping them home would be throwing money away. I feel selfish saying, "What I would give for a day home alone?" Sometimes, I even feel guilty. I'm a mom and a wife. Having children was all I wanted and what I struggled to have.  Don't get me wrong, I get out. Not often but I do. I go out with friends or get a few hours here and there to do errands I need to do. It's that peaceful time home alone to do whatever I want I am craving. I feel like it's something I need just for my own sanity purposes. Even now as I am writing this post I've been interrupted at least 5 times. Sometimes I wish someone would just say to me, "Why don't you bring the kids over for the day and have time to yourself?".  I think in almost 5 years, I've had that a handful of times. Maybe. I can recall one time my in laws did offer a few hours to me for which I was very grateful. It just seems like by the time I get them where they need to go and get back home it's time to leave and go pick them up. My mom has watched them overnight once or twice so Matt and I can go away for the day/night. Even for that I feel guilty. I have co-workers and friends who have twins and I am in awe when I hear their family (parents, siblings) are watching their kids for a few days. Recently, a co-worker of mine went to Las Vegas and her mom watched her twins for over a week. Now, I'm not even sure I could leave my kids for a week but I couldn't imagine it even being an option. All I'm looking for is a day.  Blogging is so important to me and I don't want to lose sight of it. It's how I capture the memories of Ryan and Kaitlyn's childhood. Memories I want to share with them. It seems like time is moving so fast there  is no time to catch up.